








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 338 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 615 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 58 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




24 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5924 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 23,379 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3567 | 15% |
| Smokes | 8333 | 36% |
| HE Grenades | 5847 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 5632 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,760,291 of utility $125 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 742 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | prof Blue | 48% | 102 |
| #4 | scalyn00b | 44% | 99 |
| #5 | Synth | 42% | 71 |
| #6 | FlaKKa | 41% | 85 |
| #7 | ViizEon ヅ | 40% | 40 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bozbok* | 15 | 0.0026 |
| #2 | scalyn00b | 8 | 0.0036 |
| #3 | Synth | 5 | 0.0033 |
| #4 | prof Blue | 3 | 0.0013 |
| #5 | ViizEon ヅ | 3 | 0.0035 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bozbok* | 670 | 0.12 | 16 min |
| #2 | Synth | 230 | 0.15 | 7 min |
| #3 | scalyn00b | 206 | 0.09 | 6 min |
| #4 | ViizEon ヅ | 157 | 0.18 | 4 min |
| #5 | prof Blue | 154 | 0.07 | 3 min |





