








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 251 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 241 matches | ||
| Premier | 196 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 45 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




70 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5590 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,248 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 967 | 12% |
| Smokes | 2623 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 1890 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 2768 | 34% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,580,769 of utility $116 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 39 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | takeru | 75% | 44 |
| #2 | horny honda mechanic | 60% | 121 |
| #3 | Thicc AF | 57% | 101 |
| #4 | Scotty | 55% | 38 |
| #5 | Milk | 51% | 53 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | takeru | 75% | 44 |
| #2 | horny honda mechanic | 60% | 121 |
| #3 | Thicc AF | 57% | 101 |
| #4 | Scotty | 55% | 38 |
| #5 | Milk | 51% | 53 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | horny honda mechanic | 36 | 0.0155 |
| #2 | Thicc AF | 6 | 0.0030 |
| #3 | Milk | 5 | 0.0048 |
| #4 | takeru | 4 | 0.0047 |
| #5 | Scotty | 2 | 0.0025 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Thicc AF | 259 | 0.13 | 5 min |
| #2 | Milk | 159 | 0.15 | 4 min |
| #3 | takeru | 101 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| #4 | horny honda mechanic | 83 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| #5 | Scotty | 5 | 0.01 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | takeru | +5.46 | 93 | 70 |
| #2 | Twist In My Sobriety | +1.61 | 67 | 27 |
| #3 | Scotty | +1.41 | 74 | 36 |
| #4 | Thicc AF | +1.21 | 67 | 60 |
| #5 | horny honda mechanic | -3.18 | 23 | 20 |





