








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 35 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September

The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 437 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




13 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2262 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,305 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 53 | 1% |
| Smokes | 1345 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 1153 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 1754 | 41% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,343,257 of utility $128 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 199 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pacman | 57% | 30 |
| #2 | Championship (Reduced to Clear) | 49% | 330 |
| #3 | VAC’nificent Bastard | 47% | 36 |
| #4 | Rumgut | 47% | 396 |
| #5 | Resident Dick | 46% | 270 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Resident Dick | 46% | 270 |
| #6 | Poon Brenda | 44% | 232 |
| #7 | Shark | 43% | 42 |
| #8 | CHEF PUFF | 42% | 66 |
| #9 | ✯𝕯𝕲✯ SLAKII | 42% | 36 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Resident Dick | 26 | 0.0045 |
| #2 | Championship (Reduced to Clear) | 15 | 0.0021 |
| #3 | Rumgut | 10 | 0.0012 |
| #4 | Poon Brenda | 5 | 0.0010 |
| #5 | ✯𝕯𝕲✯ SLAKII | 3 | 0.0038 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Rumgut | 693 | 0.08 | 21 min |
| #2 | Championship (Reduced to Clear) | 381 | 0.05 | 9 min |
| #3 | Shark | 102 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #4 | VAC’nificent Bastard | 71 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #5 | Resident Dick | 60 | 0.01 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Rumgut | +4.04 | 61 | 51 |
| #2 | Pacman | +1.42 | 30 | 35 |
| #3 | Shark | +0.81 | 23 | 71 |
| #4 | Championship (Reduced to Clear) | +0.42 | 48 | 42 |
| #5 | Resident Dick | -0.22 | 53 | 39 |





