








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 39 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 224 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




26 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1819 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,540 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 163 | 3% |
| Smokes | 2387 | 43% |
| HE Grenades | 1263 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 1727 | 31% |
Our logs show you have wasted $260,118 of utility $44 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 11 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | CHEF PUFF | 52% | 50 |
| #2 | Championship (Reduced to Clear) | 47% | 202 |
| #3 | Poon Brenda | 46% | 154 |
| #4 | dead by dick | 46% | 270 |
| #5 | Rumgut | 45% | 225 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Championship (Reduced to Clear) | 47% | 202 |
| #3 | Poon Brenda | 46% | 154 |
| #4 | dead by dick | 46% | 270 |
| #5 | Rumgut | 45% | 225 |
| #6 | VAC’nificent Bastard | 35% | 20 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Championship (Reduced to Clear) | 13 | 0.0030 |
| #2 | dead by dick | 10 | 0.0017 |
| #3 | Rumgut | 7 | 0.0015 |
| #4 | Poon Brenda | 5 | 0.0015 |
| #5 | CHEF PUFF | 2 | 0.0020 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Rumgut | 343 | 0.07 | 11 min |
| #2 | Championship (Reduced to Clear) | 234 | 0.05 | 6 min |
| #3 | VAC’nificent Bastard | 38 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #4 | Poon Brenda | 30 | 0.01 | 1 min |
| #5 | dead by dick | 16 | 0.00 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Rumgut | +4.03 | 63 | 51 |
| #2 | Championship (Reduced to Clear) | +0.25 | 46 | 43 |
| #3 | Resident Dick | -0.20 | 53 | 39 |
| #4 | VAC’nificent Bastard | -1.01 | 39 | 56 |
| #5 | Poon Brenda | -1.57 | 49 | 27 |





