










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 12 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Vertigo | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Palacio | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Golden | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




21 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
877 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,330 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 400 | 17% |
| Smokes | 597 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 773 | 33% |
| Molotovs | 560 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $740,606 of utility $240 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 76 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | hyb | 61% | 33 |
| #2 | Hayles | 54% | 57 |
| #3 | yeoias | 54% | 24 |
| #4 | kaz | 50% | 36 |
| #5 | natrocheesie | 50% | 50 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BigWacK | 22 | 0.0119 |
| #2 | Timsanee | 18 | 0.0090 |
| #3 | hyb | 13 | 0.0208 |
| #4 | natrocheesie | 6 | 0.0061 |
| #5 | Hayles | 5 | 0.0045 |





