








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 729 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 277 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 58 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 9 matches | ||
| Faceit | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 58 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




37 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4160 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 21,083 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 7607 | 36% |
| Smokes | 5199 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 5190 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 3087 | 15% |
Our logs show you have wasted $427,696 of utility $45 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 856 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #10 | β π
Άπ
΄π π
³π
Ύππ
½ β | 50% | 224 |
| #11 | Friedhelm Winter | 49% | 130 |
| #12 | Kitler | 49% | 128 |
| #13 | *Ryuk* | 43% | 47 |
| #14 | TiTo | 41% | 58 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | β π
Άπ
΄π π
³π
Ύππ
½ β | 9 | 0.0019 |
| #2 | J0k3rrr | 5 | 0.0028 |
| #3 | Friedhelm Winter | 4 | 0.0015 |
| #4 | Kitler | 4 | 0.0015 |
| #5 | Vendetta | 4 | 0.0028 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Friedhelm Winter | 418 | 0.15 | 11 min |
| #2 | Vendetta | 233 | 0.16 | 6 min |
| #3 | β π
Άπ
΄π π
³π
Ύππ
½ β | 226 | 0.05 | 5 min |
| #4 | Kitler | 226 | 0.08 | 6 min |
| #5 | Tarcali | 126 | 0.08 | 2 min |





