








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 103 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 79 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




21 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1049 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,150 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 605 | 28% |
| Smokes | 331 | 15% |
| HE Grenades | 357 | 17% |
| Molotovs | 857 | 40% |
Our logs show you have wasted $284,749 of utility $84 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 105 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | pattycakes | 41% | 79 |
| #7 | ShirtlessMatt | 40% | 47 |
| #8 | jp | 39% | 70 |
| #9 | Delt__ | 32% | 56 |
| #10 | Brimst0ne | 32% | 25 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | pattycakes | 26 | 0.0162 |
| #2 | Edward T. Fentanyl | 10 | 0.0050 |
| #3 | Geeked up and Dangerous | 6 | 0.0036 |
| #4 | Delt__ | 6 | 0.0053 |
| #5 | jp | 4 | 0.0028 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Edward T. Fentanyl | 226 | 0.11 | 6 min |
| #2 | pattycakes | 147 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| #3 | KyJu | 119 | 0.31 | 3 min |
| #4 | Brimst0ne | 106 | 0.22 | 2 min |
| #5 | jp | 97 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jp | +3.94 | 72 | 49 |
| #2 | ,<3 | +3.80 | 66 | 30 |
| #3 | pattycakes | +2.74 | 48 | 49 |
| #4 | Geeked up and Dangerous | +1.97 | 71 | 34 |
| #5 | Brimst0ne | +0.13 | 45 | 65 |





