








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 251 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 81 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 6 matches | ||
| Faceit | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 14 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




20 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2077 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,088 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1605 | 32% |
| Smokes | 411 | 8% |
| HE Grenades | 2007 | 39% |
| Molotovs | 1065 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,181,658 of utility $196 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 51 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | (taylor's version) | 52% | 25 |
| #2 | Jfeak | 52% | 29 |
| #3 | cherbourg ceo | 52% | 60 |
| #4 | blank | 51% | 53 |
| #5 | Perry the Platypussy | 44% | 91 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Perry the Platypussy | 25 | 0.0136 |
| #2 | Micky The Lad | 15 | 0.0060 |
| #3 | Krico Sex Doll | 15 | 0.0228 |
| #4 | blank | 8 | 0.0078 |
| #5 | Jfeak | 8 | 0.0138 |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | (taylor's version) | +11.12 | 93 | 70 |
| #2 | cherbourg ceo | +6.36 | 72 | 60 |
| #3 | blank | +2.09 | 68 | 56 |
| #4 | meowntain | +2.09 | 79 | 32 |
| #5 | Krico Sex Doll | +0.52 | 62 | 23 |





