










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 0 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.

| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
214 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 502 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 175 | 35% |
| Smokes | 137 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 88 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 102 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $101,097 of utility $127 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 8 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Anthem | 63% | 8 |
| #2 | Don't Ask/Don't Tell | 61% | 28 |
| #3 | Chip Diamond | 54% | 35 |
| #4 | Big Rex Tha Plug | 50% | 10 |
| #5 | Scooby Jew | 45% | 11 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Big Rex Tha Plug | 50% | 10 |
| #5 | Scooby Jew | 45% | 11 |
| #6 | i munch box | 36% | 14 |
| #7 | DangerDave | 33% | 9 |
| #8 | Rey Mysterio | 29% | 7 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Chip Diamond | 4 | 0.0060 |
| #2 | Scooby Jew | 2 | 0.0096 |
| #3 | Rey Mysterio | 2 | 0.0159 |
| #4 | Don't Ask/Don't Tell | 1 | 0.0019 |
| #5 | i munch box | 1 | 0.0039 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Don't Ask/Don't Tell | 82 | 0.15 | 2 min |
| #2 | Chip Diamond | 53 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| #3 | i munch box | 34 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| #4 | DangerDave | 17 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #5 | Rey Mysterio | 8 | 0.06 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Don't Ask/Don't Tell | +1.97 | 55 | 59 |
| #2 | Chip Diamond | +1.31 | 24 | 48 |
| #3 | Anthem | +0.86 | 71 | 26 |
| #4 | Scooby Jew | -0.21 | 42 | 34 |
| #5 | MonicaLewinsky | -1.59 | 25 | 32 |





