










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 64 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 44 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 6 different maps





Our logs show 9 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




13 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
418 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,195 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 584 | 27% |
| Smokes | 502 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 634 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 475 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $190,460 of utility $152 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 132 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Pepe | 33% | 21 |
| #4 | guido | 29% | 34 |
| #5 | Malvinas Argentinas | 27% | 15 |
| #6 | cocoslocos | 25% | 40 |
| #7 | Giannis | 10% | 10 |





