








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 634 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 55 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 5 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 16 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




74 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1590 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,635 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 411 | 25% |
| Smokes | 400 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 544 | 33% |
| Molotovs | 280 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $726,391 of utility $206 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 424 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MarioBarth | 60% | 10 |
| #2 | wohnwageN | 45% | 11 |
| #3 | Chefkoch Soße | 45% | 102 |
| #4 | Trist4N Sch0tt3 | 40% | 15 |
| #5 | Flaying_Pig | 37% | 27 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | wohnwageN | 45% | 11 |
| #3 | Chefkoch Soße | 45% | 102 |
| #4 | Trist4N Sch0tt3 | 40% | 15 |
| #5 | Flaying_Pig | 37% | 27 |
| #6 | MasterBroda77 | 28% | 29 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Chefkoch Soße | 34 | 0.0164 |
| #2 | wohnwageN | 6 | 0.0275 |
| #3 | Flaying_Pig | 3 | 0.0053 |
| #4 | MasterBroda77 | 2 | 0.0038 |
| #5 | MarioBarth | 2 | 0.0100 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Chefkoch Soße | 452 | 0.22 | 12 min |
| #2 | Flaying_Pig | 63 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| #3 | MasterBroda77 | 42 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| #4 | Trist4N Sch0tt3 | 29 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #5 | MarioBarth | 24 | 0.12 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MarioBarth | +2.56 | 63 | 63 |
| #2 | wohnwageN | +2.51 | 63 | 42 |
| #3 | Flaying_Pig | +2.40 | 32 | 45 |
| #4 | Trist4N Sch0tt3 | +1.65 | 41 | 44 |
| #5 | Dogearoo | +1.02 | 40 | 27 |





