










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 0 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.

| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Office | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
478 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 104 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 22 | 21% |
| Smokes | 22 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 22 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 38 | 37% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,189 of utility $1 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | pe4ka69 | 13 | 0.0121 |
| #2 | Smurfy | 9 | 0.0121 |
| #3 | Pandaβ’ AKA Enkurs | 9 | 0.0274 |
| #4 | Frostijs | 8 | 0.0119 |
| #5 | NeonsXN | 1 | 0.0019 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Frostijs | 102 | 0.15 | 1 min |
| #2 | pe4ka69 | 48 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| #3 | Pandaβ’ AKA Enkurs | 38 | 0.12 | 1 min |
| #4 | NeonsXN | 29 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #5 | Smurfy | 21 | 0.03 | 0 min |





