








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 17 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 96 matches | ||
| Wingman | 82 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 68 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




10 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1842 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,727 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1219 | 26% |
| Smokes | 746 | 16% |
| HE Grenades | 1877 | 40% |
| Molotovs | 885 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $341,276 of utility $52 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 974 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Fusion | 57% | 21 |
| #2 | CEO of Anti-Anime | 43% | 30 |
| #3 | 1xGeimpft | 43% | 164 |
| #4 | maxi15_10 | 34% | 35 |
| #5 | W𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘰𝘸 | 32% | 59 |





