








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 348 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September



The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 163 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 16 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




15 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1560 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,193 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 700 | 17% |
| Smokes | 607 | 14% |
| HE Grenades | 1873 | 45% |
| Molotovs | 1013 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $460,538 of utility $109 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 352 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪Meow | 55% | 120 |
| #2 | Lobster Dave | 55% | 82 |
| #3 | ✪ Beer Drinker | 47% | 34 |
| #4 | GUMPY17 | 42% | 31 |
| #5 | Auzz | 41% | 34 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪Meow | 55% | 120 |
| #2 | Lobster Dave | 55% | 82 |
| #3 | ✪ Beer Drinker | 47% | 34 |
| #4 | GUMPY17 | 42% | 31 |
| #5 | Auzz | 41% | 34 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lobster Dave | 10 | 0.0059 |
| #2 | ✪Meow | 7 | 0.0027 |
| #3 | ✪ Beer Drinker | 3 | 0.0043 |
| #4 | Auzz | 1 | 0.0014 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lobster Dave | 157 | 0.09 | 4 min |
| #2 | Auzz | 115 | 0.16 | 3 min |
| #3 | ✪Meow | 101 | 0.04 | 2 min |
| #4 | ✪ Beer Drinker | 51 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #5 | GUMPY17 | 25 | 0.04 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Auzz | +1.41 | 61 | 69 |
| #2 | ✪Meow | +0.79 | 61 | 51 |
| #3 | ✪ VoB | +0.70 | 54 | 44 |
| #4 | Lobster Dave | +0.49 | 63 | 40 |
| #5 | ✪ Beer Drinker | -1.22 | 42 | 48 |





