








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 408 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 179 matches | ||
| Faceit | 13 matches | ||
| Wingman | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 13 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




45 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2284 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,770 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2678 | 31% |
| Smokes | 2061 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 1862 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 2169 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $591,595 of utility $118 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 698 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Byrtsä | 62% | 21 |
| #2 | minttukossu | 58% | 19 |
| #3 | SeneX | 53% | 59 |
| #4 | MrJonsu | 51% | 83 |
| #5 | ACC3S | 50% | 50 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | vɪtəmɪn | 253 | 0.26 | 6 min |
| #2 | MrJonsu | 186 | 0.11 | 5 min |
| #3 | SeneX | 151 | 0.12 | 4 min |
| #4 | sharkzer | 141 | 0.24 | 4 min |
| #5 | ACC3S | 95 | 0.09 | 3 min |





