








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 174 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 75 matches | ||
| Faceit | 10 matches | ||
| Wingman | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




13 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1450 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,213 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 729 | 23% |
| Smokes | 1069 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 540 | 17% |
| Molotovs | 875 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $374,415 of utility $126 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 68 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jonte | 50% | 8 |
| #2 | NeV ジ | 48% | 27 |
| #3 | sussy_consumer | 48% | 44 |
| #4 | Mao Zedong | 48% | 21 |
| #5 | strykm4n | 46% | 52 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | mArcus | 42% | 19 |
| #8 | Derseye | 41% | 44 |
| #9 | Bajsboxarn | 40% | 10 |
| #10 | Zarzy | 38% | 13 |
| #11 | Mr. Putniga | 30% | 10 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | strykm4n | 5 | 0.0048 |
| #2 | Mao Zedong | 4 | 0.0089 |
| #3 | Derseye | 3 | 0.0031 |
| #4 | Mr. Putniga | 2 | 0.0105 |
| #5 | sussy_consumer | 1 | 0.0011 |





