








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 306 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September

The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 284 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 24 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2552 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,258 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 580 | 14% |
| Smokes | 1044 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 1752 | 41% |
| Molotovs | 882 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $952,863 of utility $101 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jayrad | 65% | 23 |
| #2 | bmeow | 54% | 103 |
| #3 | Fedora the Explorer | 54% | 28 |
| #4 | JakeRNG | 49% | 47 |
| #5 | Girthquake | 49% | 282 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Girthquake | 49% | 282 |
| #6 | Gurkha | 44% | 188 |
| #7 | UrFlyin | 43% | 80 |
| #8 | Relder | 30% | 33 |
| #9 | HonorZeBaumer | 21% | 33 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Gurkha | 12 | 0.0031 |
| #2 | Girthquake | 11 | 0.0018 |
| #3 | bmeow | 7 | 0.0035 |
| #4 | UrFlyin | 4 | 0.0024 |
| #5 | JakeRNG | 3 | 0.0030 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Girthquake | 315 | 0.05 | 9 min |
| #2 | Gurkha | 286 | 0.07 | 5 min |
| #3 | bmeow | 162 | 0.08 | 4 min |
| #4 | Relder | 112 | 0.16 | 2 min |
| #5 | UrFlyin | 56 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Fedora the Explorer | +6.65 | 73 | 65 |
| #2 | jayrad | +6.35 | 84 | 54 |
| #3 | bmeow | +4.10 | 48 | 60 |
| #4 | Girthquake | +0.54 | 34 | 39 |
| #5 | UrFlyin | -0.40 | 26 | 31 |





