








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 13 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Mirage | 88 matches | ||
| Wingman | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches | ||
| Premier | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




36 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1187 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,792 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2203 | 38% |
| Smokes | 1435 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 958 | 17% |
| Molotovs | 1196 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $180,428 of utility $53 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | KM | 50% | 98 |
| #4 | Emexis666 | 50% | 110 |
| #5 | Papa Vesemir | 37% | 38 |
| #6 | pasta62 | 30% | 10 |
| #7 | pawronix | 25% | 16 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Emexis666 | 21 | 0.0099 |
| #2 | marcelismyname | 20 | 0.0121 |
| #3 | KM | 19 | 0.0098 |
| #4 | Papa Vesemir | 11 | 0.0144 |
| #5 | pasta62 | 3 | 0.0145 |





