








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 16 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 32 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Premier | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
478 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,495 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 334 | 22% |
| Smokes | 466 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 287 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 408 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $146,938 of utility $141 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1 message into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | shibby | 67% | 9 |
| #2 | intruq | 56% | 36 |
| #3 | PM | 51% | 43 |
| #4 | Man without a horse | 50% | 30 |
| #5 | mfN | 48% | 33 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | PM | 4 | 0.0045 |
| #2 | intruq | 3 | 0.0038 |
| #3 | mfN | 3 | 0.0041 |
| #4 | ☭Genosse Gysi☭ | 1 | 0.0079 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | PM | 178 | 0.20 | 5 min |
| #2 | Man without a horse | 151 | 0.22 | 4 min |
| #3 | mfN | 149 | 0.20 | 5 min |
| #4 | intruq | 115 | 0.15 | 3 min |
| #5 | shibby | 33 | 0.19 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | shibby | +1.97 | 86 | 64 |
| #2 | PM | +1.63 | 81 | 74 |
| #3 | mfN | +1.31 | 89 | 63 |
| #4 | dest | +0.97 | 85 | 78 |
| #5 | LuschenLuca im Urlaub | +0.90 | 69 | 47 |





