








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 175 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 122 matches | ||
| Wingman | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 6 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




19 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1693 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,240 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 357 | 16% |
| Smokes | 936 | 42% |
| HE Grenades | 331 | 15% |
| Molotovs | 616 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $283,226 of utility $48 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 66 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Magicmen | 50% | 28 |
| #2 | Sephy | 50% | 178 |
| #3 | With no Honey Mustard | 48% | 214 |
| #4 | CUCCAA | 38% | 73 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Magicmen | 50% | 28 |
| #2 | Sephy | 50% | 178 |
| #3 | With no Honey Mustard | 48% | 214 |
| #4 | CUCCAA | 38% | 73 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | With no Honey Mustard | 40 | 0.0092 |
| #2 | Sephy | 8 | 0.0023 |
| #3 | Magicmen | 3 | 0.0054 |
| #4 | CUCCAA | 2 | 0.0013 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sephy | 192 | 0.05 | 4 min |
| #2 | With no Honey Mustard | 150 | 0.03 | 4 min |
| #3 | Magicmen | 89 | 0.16 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Magicmen | +4.69 | 85 | 75 |
| #2 | Sephy | +2.71 | 56 | 32 |
| #3 | With no Honey Mustard | +1.25 | 49 | 32 |
| #4 | Theybron (The Decision) | -1.79 | 33 | 22 |
| #5 | CUCCAA | -3.50 | 48 | 16 |





