








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 132 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 35 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Premier | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 12 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
926 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,492 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 742 | 50% |
| Smokes | 312 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 168 | 11% |
| Molotovs | 270 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $258,046 of utility $107 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1177 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Blxme | 80% | 10 |
| #2 | Chili | 79% | 14 |
| #3 | ch4nc3 | 68% | 19 |
| #4 | zoeybloweyy | 63% | 30 |
| #5 | Spooky da Scary | 58% | 117 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Spooky da Scary | 12 | 0.0053 |
| #2 | Weaponized_autism | 2 | 0.0033 |
| #3 | Blxme | 2 | 0.0095 |
| #4 | PoonSmoocher | 1 | 0.0008 |
| #5 | zoeybloweyy | 1 | 0.0017 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Spooky da Scary | 511 | 0.23 | 12 min |
| #2 | PoonSmoocher | 122 | 0.10 | 4 min |
| #3 | Weaponized_autism | 68 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #4 | ch4nc3 | 44 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| #5 | Blxme | 40 | 0.19 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Spooky da Scary | +5.36 | 79 | 54 |
| #2 | Wieldy | +1.80 | 49 | 42 |
| #3 | Chili | +1.42 | 43 | 39 |
| #4 | Blxme | +0.57 | 83 | 44 |
| #5 | Sol | +0.17 | 50 | 38 |





