








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 45 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Wingman | 49 matches | ||
| Premier | 44 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 42 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 34 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 6 matches | ||
| Faceit | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 9 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




62 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2485 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,005 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 352 | 18% |
| Smokes | 322 | 16% |
| HE Grenades | 836 | 42% |
| Molotovs | 495 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $277,386 of utility $43 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 588 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JaredGoffLover142 | 64% | 44 |
| #2 | Goobah | 53% | 110 |
| #3 | 10 YEARS IN THE JOINT | 51% | 175 |
| #4 | Bear Jew | 51% | 135 |
| #5 | diikwiitcheese | 47% | 123 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JaredGoffLover142 | 64% | 44 |
| #2 | Goobah | 53% | 110 |
| #3 | 10 YEARS IN THE JOINT | 51% | 175 |
| #4 | Bear Jew | 51% | 135 |
| #5 | diikwiitcheese | 47% | 123 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | diikwiitcheese | 42 | 0.0173 |
| #2 | Goobah | 42 | 0.0218 |
| #3 | Bear Jew | 30 | 0.0113 |
| #4 | 10 YEARS IN THE JOINT | 23 | 0.0067 |
| #5 | JaredGoffLover142 | 13 | 0.0157 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 10 YEARS IN THE JOINT | 828 | 0.24 | 21 min |
| #2 | Bear Jew | 306 | 0.12 | 7 min |
| #3 | Goobah | 207 | 0.11 | 4 min |
| #4 | diikwiitcheese | 144 | 0.06 | 4 min |
| #5 | JaredGoffLover142 | 103 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JaredGoffLover142 | +8.02 | 98 | 46 |
| #2 | Goobah | +3.57 | 87 | 42 |
| #3 | 10 YEARS IN THE JOINT | +2.18 | 67 | 65 |
| #4 | Bear Jew | +0.34 | 67 | 48 |
| #5 | Happy Birthday | -1.38 | 53 | 25 |





