








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 25 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 14 matches | ||
| Premier | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 11 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




56 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
972 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,461 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 639 | 26% |
| Smokes | 757 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 628 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 437 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $354,285 of utility $113 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 153 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Goobah | 36 | 0.0305 |
| #2 | Happy Birthday | 28 | 0.0115 |
| #3 | Bear Jew | 27 | 0.0150 |
| #4 | 10 YEARS IN THE JOINT | 19 | 0.0071 |
| #5 | JaredGoffLover142 | 3 | 0.0096 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 10 YEARS IN THE JOINT | 596 | 0.22 | 15 min |
| #2 | Bear Jew | 188 | 0.10 | 4 min |
| #3 | Goobah | 151 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| #4 | JaredGoffLover142 | 33 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| #5 | Happy Birthday | 31 | 0.01 | 1 min |





