








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1195 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 311 matches | ||
| Wingman | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 108 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




37 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3753 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 15,308 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4368 | 29% |
| Smokes | 2758 | 18% |
| HE Grenades | 4395 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 3787 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,102,299 of utility $142 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 19 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | nobo | 65% | 31 |
| #2 | Nestepaine | 61% | 28 |
| #3 | NakkiS | 57% | 46 |
| #4 | LiNqUiStIC | 51% | 39 |
| #5 | Somali Edelmann | 50% | 20 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | LiNqUiStIC | 197 | 0.25 | 6 min |
| #2 | Kesätyttö 88 | 179 | 0.16 | 5 min |
| #3 | Nestepaine | 139 | 0.23 | 2 min |
| #4 | Somali Edelmann | 129 | 0.31 | 4 min |
| #5 | nobo | 70 | 0.10 | 2 min |





