








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 911 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 226 matches | ||
| Premier | 176 matches | ||
| Wingman | 62 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 22 different maps





Our logs show 25 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




72 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
7033 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 22,602 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6911 | 31% |
| Smokes | 6681 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 3714 | 16% |
| Molotovs | 5296 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,183,891 of utility $101 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1352 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Benny (has sex) | 60% | 35 |
| #2 | donkfingus | 56% | 32 |
| #3 | lolzman1984 | 53% | 34 |
| #4 | wetsocks | 51% | 180 |
| #5 | Daiz??? | 41% | 74 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Benny (has sex) | 60% | 35 |
| #2 | donkfingus | 56% | 32 |
| #3 | lolzman1984 | 53% | 34 |
| #4 | wetsocks | 51% | 180 |
| #5 | Daiz??? | 41% | 74 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | wetsocks | 18 | 0.0049 |
| #2 | Daiz??? | 5 | 0.0029 |
| #3 | donkfingus | 3 | 0.0042 |
| #4 | Benny (has sex) | 1 | 0.0016 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | wetsocks | 325 | 0.09 | 7 min |
| #2 | Daiz??? | 265 | 0.15 | 6 min |
| #3 | lolzman1984 | 115 | 0.14 | 3 min |
| #4 | donkfingus | 67 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #5 | Benny (has sex) | 57 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | uviete | +2.06 | 84 | 58 |
| #2 | Benny (has sex) | +1.71 | 65 | 38 |
| #3 | donkfingus | +1.06 | 77 | 64 |
| #4 | lolzman1984 | +0.49 | 61 | 66 |
| #5 | Daiz??? | +0.02 | 77 | 65 |





