








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 77 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 79 matches | ||
| Wingman | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




15 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
928 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,876 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 683 | 24% |
| Smokes | 1054 | 37% |
| HE Grenades | 439 | 15% |
| Molotovs | 700 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $296,374 of utility $119 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 226 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | TheKaktusTee | 50% | 10 |
| #2 | ✪ VerteX | 50% | 38 |
| #3 | P Diddy | 45% | 44 |
| #4 | ✪LikeMyGirlfriend✪ | 35% | 26 |
| #5 | Albert Onestone | 29% | 31 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | ✪ VerteX | 50% | 38 |
| #3 | P Diddy | 45% | 44 |
| #4 | ✪LikeMyGirlfriend✪ | 35% | 26 |
| #5 | Albert Onestone | 29% | 31 |
| #6 | ✪Sparky✪ | 21% | 14 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | P Diddy | 4 | 0.0044 |
| #2 | Albert Onestone | 3 | 0.0051 |
| #3 | ✪LikeMyGirlfriend✪ | 2 | 0.0037 |
| #4 | ✪ VerteX | 1 | 0.0013 |
| #5 | ✪Sparky✪ | 1 | 0.0035 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | P Diddy | 123 | 0.14 | 3 min |
| #2 | ✪ VerteX | 44 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #3 | Albert Onestone | 40 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #4 | ✪LikeMyGirlfriend✪ | 40 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #5 | ✪Sparky✪ | 16 | 0.06 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪LikeMyGirlfriend✪ | +4.41 | 81 | 67 |
| #2 | ✪ VerteX | +3.22 | 67 | 45 |
| #3 | TheKaktusTee | +2.36 | 75 | 40 |
| #4 | ✪Sparky✪ | +1.62 | 63 | 58 |
| #5 | Albert Onestone | -1.23 | 67 | 56 |





