








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 185 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 112 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 10 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1763 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,559 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 991 | 22% |
| Smokes | 1057 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 1320 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 1191 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $799,899 of utility $220 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 79 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | The Suspect | 63% | 40 |
| #2 | ✪ VerteX | 51% | 35 |
| #3 | Albert Onestone | 50% | 101 |
| #4 | TheKaktusTee | 49% | 51 |
| #5 | slice | 49% | 35 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | slice | 49% | 35 |
| #6 | ✪LikeMyGirlfriend✪ | 48% | 92 |
| #7 | kingstii | 33% | 9 |
| #8 | P Diddy | 29% | 14 |
| #9 | 9/11 was T sided | 21% | 14 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪LikeMyGirlfriend✪ | 6 | 0.0031 |
| #2 | Albert Onestone | 3 | 0.0014 |
| #3 | slice | 2 | 0.0028 |
| #4 | 9/11 was T sided | 2 | 0.0070 |
| #5 | ✪ VerteX | 1 | 0.0013 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Albert Onestone | 170 | 0.08 | 5 min |
| #2 | ✪LikeMyGirlfriend✪ | 156 | 0.08 | 4 min |
| #3 | TheKaktusTee | 108 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #4 | slice | 67 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #5 | ✪ VerteX | 30 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | slice | +2.16 | 82 | 70 |
| #2 | The Suspect | +1.84 | 57 | 58 |
| #3 | ✪LikeMyGirlfriend✪ | +1.74 | 83 | 67 |
| #4 | ✪Sparky✪ | +1.60 | 73 | 60 |
| #5 | kingstii | +0.41 | 70 | 56 |





