








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 97 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Train | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 14 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
555 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,042 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 891 | 29% |
| Smokes | 518 | 17% |
| HE Grenades | 913 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 720 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $418,942 of utility $177 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Spermdonor | 50% | 8 |
| #2 | Bakken | 38% | 8 |
| #3 | Jëwsif | 37% | 70 |
| #4 | cooter | 35% | 113 |
| #5 | Poopoopeepeetime | 34% | 44 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | manta | 5 | 0.0032 |
| #2 | Poopoopeepeetime | 4 | 0.0046 |
| #3 | cooter | 3 | 0.0013 |
| #4 | Jëwsif | 2 | 0.0014 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | cooter | 268 | 0.12 | 7 min |
| #2 | Jëwsif | 240 | 0.17 | 8 min |
| #3 | Poopoopeepeetime | 128 | 0.15 | 3 min |
| #4 | manta | 40 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| #5 | Bakken | 29 | 0.20 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jëwsif | +5.12 | 72 | 68 |
| #2 | Bakken | +4.63 | 93 | 67 |
| #3 | cooter | +1.14 | 60 | 65 |
| #4 | Poopoopeepeetime | +0.32 | 68 | 58 |
| #5 | Spermdonor | -0.39 | 42 | 42 |





