








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 17 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 4 different maps




Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
65 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 118 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 55 | 47% |
| Smokes | 24 | 20% |
| HE Grenades | 24 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 15 | 13% |
Our logs show you have wasted $7,550 of utility $38 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jah | 70% | 10 |
| #2 | Vorp | 70% | 10 |
| #3 | lalalalalala | 50% | 6 |
| #4 | absoluteSpacehead | 33% | 3 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jah | 70% | 10 |
| #2 | Vorp | 70% | 10 |
| #3 | lalalalalala | 50% | 6 |
| #4 | absoluteSpacehead | 33% | 3 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | absoluteSpacehead | 3 | 0.0508 |
| #2 | lalalalalala | 2 | 0.0169 |
| #3 | Jah | 1 | 0.0050 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | lalalalalala | 13 | 0.11 | 0 min |
| #2 | Vorp | 11 | 0.06 | 0 min |
| #3 | Jah | 10 | 0.05 | 0 min |
| #4 | absoluteSpacehead | 1 | 0.02 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Vorp | +5.77 | 76 | 33 |
| #2 | absoluteSpacehead | +1.24 | 30 | 5 |
| #3 | Jah | -0.16 | 46 | 40 |
| #4 | lalalalalala | -0.33 | 39 | 46 |
| #5 | 詐欺師 | -1.27 | 32 | 25 |





