








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 160 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 202 matches | ||
| Faceit | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 5 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




12 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1689 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,683 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2722 | 28% |
| Smokes | 2470 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 2324 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 2167 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $771,956 of utility $143 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | TPHN | 63% | 38 |
| #2 | Rankkapasi | 58% | 26 |
| #3 | Rase | 57% | 54 |
| #4 | FUCK SAUSAGES IN OVEN | 52% | 65 |
| #5 | Heisak | 51% | 110 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #11 | Glapidi | 43% | 21 |
| #12 | LaPaツ | 40% | 81 |
| #13 | Tomaa | 32% | 19 |
| #14 | J3kku | 30% | 23 |
| #15 | ⛧Sinisteri⛧ | 28% | 25 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Heisak | 3 | 0.0013 |
| #2 | Heiska (unreal) | 3 | 0.0016 |
| #3 | LaPaツ | 3 | 0.0019 |
| #4 | TPHN | 3 | 0.0036 |
| #5 | Dyny | 2 | 0.0007 |





