








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 224 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 240 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 9 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




54 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2964 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,945 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2925 | 33% |
| Smokes | 3284 | 37% |
| HE Grenades | 565 | 6% |
| Molotovs | 2171 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $971,554 of utility $155 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 55 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | Epoch | 51% | 106 |
| #9 | ♛ m4mba ♛ | 50% | 34 |
| #10 | Giovanni "CUTIE" Giorgio | 47% | 55 |
| #11 | Sukh | 42% | 106 |
| #12 | birdie | 38% | 58 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MindGoblin | 12 | 0.0029 |
| #2 | Epoch | 8 | 0.0035 |
| #3 | --heisenberg69-- | 7 | 0.0049 |
| #4 | KAzemonsTA™ | 6 | 0.0061 |
| #5 | Giovanni "CUTIE" Giorgio | 4 | 0.0039 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Epoch | 262 | 0.11 | 6 min |
| #2 | MindGoblin | 249 | 0.06 | 5 min |
| #3 | --heisenberg69-- | 240 | 0.17 | 6 min |
| #4 | Sukh | 230 | 0.11 | 6 min |
| #5 | Leetify Azio | 227 | 0.26 | 4 min |





