








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 17 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
955 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,945 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 386 | 20% |
| Smokes | 274 | 14% |
| HE Grenades | 920 | 47% |
| Molotovs | 365 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $208,241 of utility $122 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | b site beige | 75% | 8 |
| #2 | retarded pro | 67% | 18 |
| #3 | JOHN WICK ALIAS mau | 60% | 58 |
| #4 | Veeti | 57% | 14 |
| #5 | fork, carry, steal, troll, 2011 | 51% | 37 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | b site beige | 75% | 8 |
| #2 | retarded pro | 67% | 18 |
| #3 | JOHN WICK ALIAS mau | 60% | 58 |
| #4 | Veeti | 57% | 14 |
| #5 | fork, carry, steal, troll, 2011 | 51% | 37 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JOHN WICK ALIAS mau | 16 | 0.0170 |
| #2 | fork, carry, steal, troll, 2011 | 9 | 0.0169 |
| #3 | b site beige | 3 | 0.0216 |
| #4 | retarded pro | 2 | 0.0057 |
| #5 | Veeti | 2 | 0.0084 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | fork, carry, steal, troll, 2011 | 98 | 0.18 | 3 min |
| #2 | JOHN WICK ALIAS mau | 73 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #3 | retarded pro | 55 | 0.16 | 2 min |
| #4 | Veeti | 18 | 0.08 | 0 min |
| #5 | b site beige | 17 | 0.12 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | retarded pro | +5.28 | 80 | 74 |
| #2 | fork, carry, steal, troll, 2011 | +4.33 | 80 | 70 |
| #3 | siizi | +0.26 | 66 | 46 |
| #4 | JOHN WICK ALIAS mau | +0.25 | 73 | 43 |
| #5 | Veeti | -1.59 | 30 | 53 |





