








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 61 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 172 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 5 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2157 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,098 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1384 | 19% |
| Smokes | 1681 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 2193 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 1840 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $724,718 of utility $158 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 51 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mr.hoffelpuff | 69% | 16 |
| #2 | J.P. | 67% | 15 |
| #3 | DjHoeFace | 61% | 18 |
| #4 | Therese91♥ッ | 57% | 14 |
| #5 | DRAAK | 55% | 11 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | Poetry | 46% | 13 |
| #10 | ✯𝕃𝕚𝕟𝕦𝕏✯ | 46% | 24 |
| #11 | Rizla | 45% | 11 |
| #12 | ✪ Eddie | 45% | 20 |
| #13 | sjappalol | 31% | 16 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ⛧ ☠︎ The_Darkness ☠ ⛧ | 4 | 0.0018 |
| #2 | Joker | 4 | 0.0048 |
| #3 | ✯𝕃𝕚𝕟𝕦𝕏✯ | 2 | 0.0040 |
| #4 | ✪ Eddie | 1 | 0.0023 |
| #5 | Mr.hoffelpuff | 1 | 0.0032 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ⛧ ☠︎ The_Darkness ☠ ⛧ | 475 | 0.22 | 11 min |
| #2 | Joker | 119 | 0.14 | 3 min |
| #3 | ✪ Eddie | 78 | 0.18 | 2 min |
| #4 | DjHoeFace | 48 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| #5 | J.P. | 43 | 0.14 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪ Eddie | +3.02 | 50 | 64 |
| #2 | Mr.hoffelpuff | +1.92 | 28 | 71 |
| #3 | Unaposter | +1.30 | 58 | 64 |
| #4 | Joker | +0.90 | 43 | 65 |
| #5 | DRAAK | +0.86 | 38 | 69 |





