








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 534 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 451 matches | ||
| Faceit | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 39 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




56 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5840 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 11,832 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4885 | 41% |
| Smokes | 2350 | 20% |
| HE Grenades | 4137 | 35% |
| Molotovs | 460 | 4% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,297,990 of utility $121 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1991 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ushanka | 57% | 49 |
| #2 | Sigismund | 54% | 142 |
| #3 | Boofy the Bear | 48% | 27 |
| #4 | Bobby Banks | 48% | 27 |
| #5 | FatGus | 46% | 50 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ushanka | 57% | 49 |
| #2 | Sigismund | 54% | 142 |
| #3 | Boofy the Bear | 48% | 27 |
| #4 | Bobby Banks | 48% | 27 |
| #5 | FatGus | 46% | 50 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | FatGus | 4 | 0.0038 |
| #2 | Sigismund | 3 | 0.0010 |
| #3 | Boofy the Bear | 3 | 0.0050 |
| #4 | ushanka | 1 | 0.0010 |
| #5 | Bobby Banks | 1 | 0.0017 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sigismund | 447 | 0.15 | 12 min |
| #2 | FatGus | 146 | 0.14 | 4 min |
| #3 | Bobby Banks | 114 | 0.19 | 2 min |
| #4 | ushanka | 78 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #5 | Boofy the Bear | 43 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sigismund | +1.22 | 72 | 61 |
| #2 | Vertigo :) | +1.06 | 78 | 61 |
| #3 | ushanka | -1.10 | 38 | 61 |
| #4 | Boofy the Bear | -1.92 | 51 | 42 |
| #5 | FatGus | -3.10 | 34 | 55 |





