








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 813 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 676 matches | ||
| Faceit | 77 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 37 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 28 matches | ||
| Wingman | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 194 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




29 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
7426 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 29,449 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3015 | 10% |
| Smokes | 9547 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 9069 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 7818 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $3,364,401 of utility $169 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 4360 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | Chillex | 48% | 281 |
| #9 | Manuel Race #TreffNIX | 48% | 83 |
| #10 | Ʀichtig Angry | 48% | 354 |
| #11 | Camo Condom Man | 48% | 63 |
| #12 | Pioscope | 43% | 271 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | New | 36 | 0.0024 |
| #2 | Chillex | 28 | 0.0047 |
| #3 | n3matZ | 21 | 0.0014 |
| #4 | Pioscope | 14 | 0.0025 |
| #5 | Panzerfreak_malte2 | 9 | 0.0031 |





