








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 260 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 398 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 21 matches | ||
| Faceit | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 5 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




50 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3808 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 15,611 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4763 | 31% |
| Smokes | 4212 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 3179 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 3457 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,910,481 of utility $163 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 98 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SingKlayer | 55% | 33 |
| #2 | jthebobd | 55% | 55 |
| #3 | trooper | 53% | 49 |
| #4 | mj | 50% | 260 |
| #5 | Tschick Gott | 49% | 47 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Abstetisch | 13 | 0.0043 |
| #2 | mj | 11 | 0.0020 |
| #3 | SingKlayer | 8 | 0.0114 |
| #4 | depression | 7 | 0.0015 |
| #5 | jthebobd | 4 | 0.0034 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | mj | 775 | 0.14 | 22 min |
| #2 | depression | 266 | 0.06 | 8 min |
| #3 | Burrito | 217 | 0.24 | 6 min |
| #4 | Abstetisch | 209 | 0.07 | 6 min |
| #5 | SingKlayer | 187 | 0.27 | 5 min |





