








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 575 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 398 matches | ||
| Faceit | 38 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 10 matches | ||
| Wingman | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 19 different maps





Our logs show 33 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




15 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4730 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 20,995 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3607 | 17% |
| Smokes | 7517 | 36% |
| HE Grenades | 5051 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 4820 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,562,102 of utility $192 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 118 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Rohn Jambo | 55% | 88 |
| #2 | Jthebobc | 54% | 35 |
| #3 | jthebobd | 54% | 50 |
| #4 | Changaraucha | 53% | 40 |
| #5 | mj | 52% | 250 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #10 | fishfight | 45% | 40 |
| #11 | TÄTOWIRA | 44% | 50 |
| #12 | Burrito | 44% | 85 |
| #13 | Abstetisch | 40% | 88 |
| #14 | Tschick Gott | 37% | 49 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Abstetisch | 14 | 0.0078 |
| #2 | ThomasTheBrezina | 10 | 0.0022 |
| #3 | Burrito | 5 | 0.0029 |
| #4 | mj | 4 | 0.0007 |
| #5 | Rohn Jambo | 4 | 0.0022 |





