










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 291 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 70 matches | ||
| Wingman | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
436 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,658 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 511 | 31% |
| Smokes | 428 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 395 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 324 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $236,482 of utility $123 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 73 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Salttfish | 52% | 33 |
| #2 | Apina | 50% | 8 |
| #3 | HUBERT | 50% | 16 |
| #4 | Patrick Star | 48% | 29 |
| #5 | Nakkivene87 | 46% | 13 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Salttfish | 52% | 33 |
| #2 | Apina | 50% | 8 |
| #3 | HUBERT | 50% | 16 |
| #4 | Patrick Star | 48% | 29 |
| #5 | Nakkivene87 | 46% | 13 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Salttfish | 2 | 0.0031 |
| #2 | Patrick Star | 2 | 0.0038 |
| #3 | HUBERT | 1 | 0.0033 |
| #4 | Apina | 1 | 0.0080 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Salttfish | 184 | 0.28 | 4 min |
| #2 | Nakkivene87 | 39 | 0.15 | 1 min |
| #3 | Patrick Star | 37 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #4 | HUBERT | 25 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| #5 | Apina | 10 | 0.08 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Apina | +5.55 | 79 | 40 |
| #2 | Patrick Star | +4.76 | 72 | 54 |
| #3 | Salttfish | +3.75 | 76 | 55 |
| #4 | HUBERT | -0.72 | 50 | 58 |
| #5 | PIG HACKER | -1.43 | 26 | 35 |





