








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 385 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 197 matches | ||
| Faceit | 22 matches | ||
| Wingman | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show 32 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2450 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,461 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3139 | 25% |
| Smokes | 2312 | 19% |
| HE Grenades | 4595 | 37% |
| Molotovs | 2415 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,193,954 of utility $168 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 20 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Happy Vagio | 55% | 20 |
| #6 | IBrain14 | 45% | 170 |
| #7 | Michigan | 44% | 168 |
| #8 | Yahikoxx | 41% | 97 |
| #9 | Broseidon | 41% | 105 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | IBrain14 | 5 | 0.0014 |
| #2 | Happy Vagio | 4 | 0.0102 |
| #3 | Michigan | 3 | 0.0009 |
| #4 | Yahikoxx | 3 | 0.0015 |
| #5 | Dobberd Leden | 2 | 0.0045 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | IBrain14 | 220 | 0.06 | 6 min |
| #2 | Yahikoxx | 181 | 0.09 | 4 min |
| #3 | Michigan | 79 | 0.02 | 1 min |
| #4 | Broseidon | 74 | 0.03 | 2 min |
| #5 | Happy Vagio | 41 | 0.10 | 1 min |





