








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 963 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 260 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 129 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 92 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 67 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 67 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 47 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 36 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 20 matches | ||
| Wingman | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 11 matches | ||
| Faceit | 6 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 34 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




69 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
7996 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 27,772 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 10896 | 39% |
| Smokes | 8086 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 3511 | 13% |
| Molotovs | 5279 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,551,842 of utility $148 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 795 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Randy Bo Bandy | 407 | 0.14 | 9 min |
| #2 | jas | 364 | 0.10 | 9 min |
| #3 | Cory Bowles | 321 | 0.14 | 7 min |
| #4 | CPO1 Tufts cs.money | 237 | 0.22 | 7 min |
| #5 | Ooze | 228 | 0.16 | 5 min |





