










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 358 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 38 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 17 matches | ||
| Premier | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 8 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 8 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
990 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,211 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 732 | 23% |
| Smokes | 941 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 342 | 11% |
| Molotovs | 1196 | 37% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,240,483 of utility $339 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 20 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...





