








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 251 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 181 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 63 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 32 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 8 matches | ||
| Wingman | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 33 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




64 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2712 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 11,120 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2375 | 21% |
| Smokes | 2726 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 3541 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 2478 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,779,224 of utility $209 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 861 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Goby Llynn Barell | 57% | 79 |
| #2 | 1168 | 53% | 40 |
| #3 | raven | 50% | 32 |
| #4 | Cow | 49% | 73 |
| #5 | Sue Sheff | 46% | 229 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | 1168 | 53% | 40 |
| #3 | raven | 50% | 32 |
| #4 | Cow | 49% | 73 |
| #5 | Sue Sheff | 46% | 229 |
| #6 | Jenny Talwhorts | 39% | 109 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sue Sheff | 84 | 0.0175 |
| #2 | Jenny Talwhorts | 50 | 0.0216 |
| #3 | Goby Llynn Barell | 14 | 0.0083 |
| #4 | raven | 11 | 0.0159 |
| #5 | Cow | 5 | 0.0032 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sue Sheff | 701 | 0.15 | 13 min |
| #2 | Jenny Talwhorts | 342 | 0.15 | 6 min |
| #3 | Goby Llynn Barell | 165 | 0.10 | 4 min |
| #4 | 1168 | 132 | 0.16 | 2 min |
| #5 | raven | 120 | 0.17 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cow | +2.77 | 64 | 54 |
| #2 | Jenny Talwhorts | +2.10 | 85 | 48 |
| #3 | Goby Llynn Barell | +2.05 | 66 | 60 |
| #4 | Sue Sheff | +1.09 | 79 | 56 |
| #5 | raven | +1.03 | 91 | 49 |





