








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 76 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 68 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 6 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 4 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




32 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1690 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,306 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2004 | 61% |
| Smokes | 261 | 8% |
| HE Grenades | 547 | 17% |
| Molotovs | 494 | 15% |
Our logs show you have wasted $256,542 of utility $66 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 70 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | AhMa | 75% | 12 |
| #2 | jabiii | 71% | 17 |
| #3 | Volkswagen Golf mk4 Variant 1.6 | 50% | 10 |
| #4 | sanez =D | 50% | 10 |
| #5 | FIRE IN THE HOLE | 41% | 108 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Antaa vaa sitä n-pommia<3 | 38 | 0.0220 |
| #2 | Smide<3 | 23 | 0.0124 |
| #3 | Työnjohtaja | 21 | 0.0141 |
| #4 | FIRE IN THE HOLE | 20 | 0.0092 |
| #5 | coolbeans5672 | 6 | 0.0057 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | FIRE IN THE HOLE | 676 | 0.31 | 14 min |
| #2 | Smide<3 | 550 | 0.30 | 11 min |
| #3 | Antaa vaa sitä n-pommia<3 | 335 | 0.19 | 7 min |
| #4 | Työnjohtaja | 307 | 0.21 | 5 min |
| #5 | coolbeans5672 | 283 | 0.27 | 6 min |





