








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1258 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 320 matches | ||
| Faceit | 50 matches | ||
| Wingman | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 104 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




13 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4555 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,733 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4398 | 35% |
| Smokes | 3870 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 1476 | 12% |
| Molotovs | 2989 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,491,456 of utility $161 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 851 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dees Newtons | 60% | 25 |
| #2 | Mr.Santa🎅 | 54% | 277 |
| #3 | Toney Chopper | 54% | 28 |
| #4 | Pauly D | 52% | 263 |
| #5 | Creampie Bandit | 50% | 150 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mr.Santa🎅 | 1194 | 0.20 | 29 min |
| #2 | Pauly D | 385 | 0.07 | 9 min |
| #3 | Creampie Bandit | 350 | 0.11 | 9 min |
| #4 | Schlegal | 233 | 0.07 | 6 min |
| #5 | a bag | 199 | 0.11 | 5 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mr.Santa🎅 | +2.35 | 71 | 68 |
| #2 | Munch | +1.90 | 80 | 61 |
| #3 | Schlegal | +0.79 | 75 | 47 |
| #4 | Dees Newtons | -0.27 | 68 | 42 |
| #5 | Pauly D | -1.07 | 52 | 46 |





