








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1012 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 256 matches | ||
| Faceit | 56 matches | ||
| Wingman | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 36 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




20 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4677 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 14,343 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4899 | 34% |
| Smokes | 4580 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 746 | 5% |
| Molotovs | 4118 | 29% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,061,960 of utility $132 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 267 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | a bag | 57% | 56 |
| #2 | Toney Chopper | 57% | 23 |
| #3 | Schlegal | 55% | 100 |
| #4 | Munch | 54% | 277 |
| #5 | Pauly D | 53% | 172 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #10 | OffhandMussel | 43% | 53 |
| #11 | yurple fanna drinker | 42% | 38 |
| #12 | HayWireSky | 39% | 46 |
| #13 | BucDING | 36% | 25 |
| #14 | Yoda | 34% | 29 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Munch | 8 | 0.0014 |
| #2 | Pauly D | 8 | 0.0022 |
| #3 | Yoda | 5 | 0.0079 |
| #4 | Schlegal | 4 | 0.0019 |
| #5 | Creampie Bandit | 4 | 0.0020 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Munch | 731 | 0.12 | 17 min |
| #2 | Pauly D | 234 | 0.06 | 5 min |
| #3 | Creampie Bandit | 206 | 0.10 | 6 min |
| #4 | coltrain | 144 | 0.27 | 4 min |
| #5 | HayWireSky | 135 | 0.13 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | OffhandMussel | +2.52 | 79 | 66 |
| #2 | Mr.Santa🎅 | +1.90 | 72 | 69 |
| #3 | Munch | +1.65 | 80 | 62 |
| #4 | Schlegal | +0.95 | 76 | 46 |
| #5 | HayWireSky | +0.68 | 78 | 72 |





