








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 48 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 221 matches | ||
| Wingman | 51 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 8 matches | ||
| Faceit | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 6 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




25 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2807 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,432 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2205 | 34% |
| Smokes | 1500 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 1753 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 974 | 15% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,023,286 of utility $146 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 10 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Kristian | 42% | 36 |
| #4 | Imix | 40% | 20 |
| #5 | Papa | 39% | 18 |
| #6 | Jakob | 38% | 29 |
| #7 | Sperminator | 36% | 39 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jakob | 12 | 0.0217 |
| #2 | Sperminator | 6 | 0.0081 |
| #3 | Thomas Shelby | 3 | 0.0076 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jakob | 127 | 0.23 | 3 min |
| #2 | Sperminator | 123 | 0.17 | 3 min |
| #3 | Kristian | 45 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #4 | Papa | 37 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #5 | Imix | 24 | 0.05 | 0 min |





