








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 312 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 421 matches | ||
| Wingman | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 17 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




39 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4490 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 17,376 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5234 | 30% |
| Smokes | 4899 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 3935 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 3308 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $945,862 of utility $88 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 80 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Josiah Parker | 55% | 31 |
| #2 | Jared Fogle | 51% | 68 |
| #3 | ✪ Flipzzy | 51% | 47 |
| #4 | ✪ CraZeD | 48% | 184 |
| #5 | ✪ Redirect | 46% | 154 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Jared Fogle | 51% | 68 |
| #3 | ✪ Flipzzy | 51% | 47 |
| #4 | ✪ CraZeD | 48% | 184 |
| #5 | ✪ Redirect | 46% | 154 |
| #6 | Bubpkis Guy | 46% | 48 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪ CraZeD | 15 | 0.0039 |
| #2 | ✪ Redirect | 7 | 0.0023 |
| #3 | Bubpkis Guy | 5 | 0.0052 |
| #4 | ✪ Flipzzy | 2 | 0.0021 |
| #5 | Josiah Parker | 2 | 0.0032 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪ Redirect | 464 | 0.15 | 11 min |
| #2 | ✪ CraZeD | 332 | 0.09 | 8 min |
| #3 | Jared Fogle | 123 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #4 | Josiah Parker | 100 | 0.16 | 2 min |
| #5 | Bubpkis Guy | 81 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Josiah Parker | +5.72 | 67 | 60 |
| #2 | Bubpkis Guy | +0.77 | 54 | 44 |
| #3 | ✪ CraZeD | +0.54 | 54 | 45 |
| #4 | ✪ Lanky [New Mouse] | +0.04 | 55 | 53 |
| #5 | ✪ Redirect | -1.34 | 52 | 55 |





