








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 622 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 54 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 34 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 32 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 12 matches | ||
| Faceit | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 5 matches | ||
| Wingman | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show 7 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




22 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4281 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,877 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4548 | 35% |
| Smokes | 2894 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 2751 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 2684 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $835,228 of utility $126 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 66 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | AltesKamuffel | 626 | 0.16 | 14 min |
| #2 | L4ECHERLICH | 124 | 0.15 | 3 min |
| #3 | FlaupinYaHead | 117 | 0.16 | 2 min |
| #4 | Mike | 114 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #5 | BlueTesticle | 94 | 0.10 | 1 min |





