








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 370 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 113 matches | ||
| Premier | 76 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




16 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2810 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,777 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2213 | 25% |
| Smokes | 2417 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 1954 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 2193 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $738,438 of utility $150 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1613 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Serce | 82% | 17 |
| #2 | tmelks | 78% | 18 |
| #3 | sixfoot4 | 76% | 17 |
| #4 | Ach1lles | 70% | 20 |
| #5 | Zralok26 | 67% | 12 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | cobalt | 63% | 38 |
| #8 | fer | 61% | 31 |
| #9 | jimmy butler | 57% | 44 |
| #10 | ✪ Big Fucking Lenny | 56% | 18 |
| #11 | SayYouWill | 56% | 27 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | fer | 5 | 0.0074 |
| #2 | cobalt | 4 | 0.0051 |
| #3 | SayYouWill | 3 | 0.0055 |
| #4 | colin | 2 | 0.0022 |
| #5 | Ach1lles | 1 | 0.0023 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | colin | 221 | 0.24 | 6 min |
| #2 | cobalt | 127 | 0.16 | 3 min |
| #3 | sixfoot4 | 78 | 0.22 | 2 min |
| #4 | Serce | 74 | 0.21 | 2 min |
| #5 | tmelks | 72 | 0.19 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | swayzao-RSF | +2.55 | 82 | 60 |
| #2 | sixfoot4 | +2.01 | 79 | 67 |
| #3 | colin | +1.29 | 79 | 64 |
| #4 | Ach1lles | +1.21 | 81 | 71 |
| #5 | cobalt | +1.14 | 79 | 59 |





