








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 605 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 343 matches | ||
| Faceit | 23 matches | ||
| Wingman | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 20 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




20 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3954 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,998 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1922 | 32% |
| Smokes | 1172 | 20% |
| HE Grenades | 1523 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 1381 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $831,873 of utility $91 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 240 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bert Cocaine | 61% | 31 |
| #2 | Sugar Gay | 45% | 29 |
| #3 | Skibadeee | 43% | 122 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bert Cocaine | 61% | 31 |
| #2 | Sugar Gay | 45% | 29 |
| #3 | Skibadeee | 43% | 122 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Skibadeee | 6 | 0.0024 |
| #2 | Bert Cocaine | 3 | 0.0044 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Skibadeee | 222 | 0.09 | 4 min |
| #2 | Bert Cocaine | 68 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #3 | Sugar Gay | 30 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bert Cocaine | +1.73 | 67 | 61 |
| #2 | JRW | +0.64 | 80 | 43 |
| #3 | Skibadeee | -0.06 | 81 | 53 |
| #4 | Sugar Gay | -2.94 | 38 | 48 |





